The Qualities and Characteristics That Attract Suitors

Without much ado, I’d like to move straight to the qualities that make a lady attractive or unattractive to suitors – features that would make a man seriously and actively consider her as “marriage material” or that could put him off without him being aware. These qualities are in 3 major categories:

  1. Spiritual issues
  2. Attitude issues
  3. Physical issues

Today, we’ll be looking specifically at the Spiritual issues that could make a woman unattractive for marriage. In many such cases, the lady may find herself always attracting only committed men – either already married, engaged or in a serious relationship he has no intention of ending. In such a situation, a lady could find herself dating a man who is separated, yet not divorced, from his wife, promising that the divorce is as good as final. Many sisters have found themselves in such situations only for the man in question to either reconcile with his wife or even start a new relationship with someone else. There are also serial baby-daddies – they have no intention of getting married; all they want is a couple of children from different women.

For some other women, they find themselves attracting only men from other religions, or those who do not even practice any. Imagine a recovering alcoholic who constantly has to fight the desire to drink only attracting heavy drinkers.

I’ve come to understand that there are a lot of spiritual issues operating against many ladies of marriageable age and status. You may wonder if the devil is so jobless as to go around scheming how to prevent you from getting married.

The Bible answers this question very succinctly in 1 Corinthians 7:2: Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

What are these spiritual issues that could make a lady unattractive to suitors?

  1. Spiritual spouse
  2. Spiritual manipulation
  3. Spiritual debt

The Spiritual Spouse

Many of us have heard or possibly even experienced the issue of the spiritual spouse. I can tell you categorically that this issue is more common and running more rampant among our youth of marriageable age and status than many of us think.

Simply put, a spiritual spouse is any spiritual personality with whom a person has a marriage relationship, usually evidenced by having sex in the dream. When a lady wakes and perceives that she has had sexual relations of a spiritual or non-physical nature, or dreamt of having sex, this is usually a pointer to the possibility of her having a spiritual husband. If you have been having such an experience, you need to seek help. A lady with a spiritual husband may find herself inexplicably unable to have a relationship that would culminate in marriage. She may seem too choosy, whereas the reality is that even when she reciprocates someone’s interest, the man himself would eventually not follow through. Some sisters find themselves either breaking off an engagement or having their fiancé breaking off with them.

A man who travelled to seek the permission of a young lady’s parents to begin wedding preparations. On his way back home, he had a vision in which a man was wagging his finger at him in warning. On discussing it with a pastor of his, it became clear that the warning was from the spiritual husband of the lady he wanted to marry. Apparently, all the daughters in that lady’s family were typically dedicated upon their birth to the deity of the land – without their knowledge.

I heard a similar story that moved me so much that I wove it into my first novel. A beautiful young lady discovered that she couldn’t seem to start a courtship – she was usually not interested in the men who approached her for marriage, and the ones she liked quickly lost interest. She reported the matter to her pastor who charged a group of people to conduct a prayer session for her. The revelation was that this sister, when she was much younger, had been particularly fond of a neighbour’s baby boy and used to jokingly call him her husband. One day, the boy’s grandmother – who apparently was a witch, heard her and sealed it the sister’s comment spiritually. From that point on, the sister became spiritually tied to this baby boy in marriage, even after they had lost touch with each other. The prayer of deliverance however set the lady free that day.

The prayer of deliverance shall set you too free today, in the mighty Name of Jesus.

Contrary to popular opinion, being plagued with a spiritual spouse isn’t always a result of past sexual activity as we see in the case of the sister and the baby boy. I know a woman who married as a virgin, yet had a spiritual husband. Yes, even married women can have them. A spiritual husband will do everything to ensure that a single lady does not marry, and if he fails at that, he will attack that marriage with barrenness, discord and all manner of evil.

So, we know that a spiritual husband can come into a woman’s life through her lineage (ancestry), activities at the time of her birth and even by witchcraft attacks. All of these are without the woman’s input. It may shock you to know, however, that a woman can actually invite a spiritual husband into her life. How?

1 Corinthians 6:16 says What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.

Unknown to many people, sex is an act that transcends the physical – it is both a physical and a spiritual joining. Now, while sex in itself may not lead to the problem of a spiritual husband, it can certainly transfer evil spirits. Dr. Rebecca Brown, in her book He Came to Set the Captives Free, mentioned that sex is the number one way by which demonic oppression is propagated. Having sex with someone who has evil spirits running rampant in him will automatically give those spirits easy access to your life.

Another way by which a spiritual husband could access a woman’s life is through sexual molestation. I find it so sad that, for many people who had been molested at some point in their lives or the other, as much as they hated the act, they find themselves craving more of it as time goes by. How can an act perpetrated against one – an act that one found so abhorrent, painful and degrading, suddenly be the same thing that one would want to engage in with someone else. Many promiscuous ladies around today became that way because they were sexually molested at a young age.

Generally, when we talk about sexual immorality, many people are quick to think of the traditional act of copulation. There are so many sneaky ways by which the devil gets people ensnared in this vice, without going the obvious route.

A university student came to me for counselling and complained that, at the age of twenty-two, despite the fact that she was close to graduating, she had never had a relationship or even had any guy show any serious interest in her. I was surprised, especially about the issue of nobody showing any serious interest in her because she was quite beautiful. She explained further that anytime a man showed some interest, he would continue to pursue her ardently, but the moment she began to reciprocate that interest, his would wax cold suddenly, to the extent that he would even begin to avoid her. As she spoke to me, the Holy Spirit nudged me to ask if she engaged in pornography and masturbation. She did. The Holy Spirit told me that her engagement in those things caused an offensive spiritual odour to waft from her, putting off all potential suitors.

A spiritual husband is a demonic oppressor, an afflictor of a person’s soul and destiny, who seeks to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) and must be stopped!

Spiritual Manipulations

The second spiritual issue we’ll be looking at today is that of Spiritual Manipulations. These are demonic attacks that one may face from time to time, knowingly or unknowingly. Have you ever been on the verge of a major breakthrough – something that seemed almost like a sure thing, only to have it practically dissolve right before your eyes? Have you ever slept only to wake up to see scratches all over your body – even in the most unlikely spots? Have you ever seen yourself eating in a dream? All these reflect one form or spiritual manipulation or the other. This list is by no means exhaustive, but just to give us an idea of some of the forms that spiritual manipulation can take. For those of us from more traditional African families, we may bear some mark on one part of our body or another. Some are to give an indication of our African heritage, some to “ward off evil spirits”. One day, the Lord opened my eyes to see that those marks are a kind of spiritual telescope through which hovering satanic forces see into people’s lives to thwart upcoming good. No evil eye will triumph against you in the mighty Name of Jesus.

In truth, I believe that in most cases, these marks were inflicted upon us out of the ignorance of the elders of the time. In many cases, these elders thought they were safeguarding and protecting us, not knowing that they were, in actual fact, making matters worse, because such marks are a direct opposition to the word of God in Leviticus 19:28 which prohibits the cutting of any part of the body. Someone may now be wondering if female circumcision (female genital mutilation) could also be a form of spiritual manipulation, or even the source of a spiritual husband. While I don’t have any facts or stories about that possibility, I cannot rule it out. Let us not forget that when such things were the norm, they were usually conducted by “experts” – native midwives or traditional medicine practitioners, many of whom were spokespersons for one oracle or another.

The strongest form of spiritual manipulation however, is the flesh. My people say that if the internal enemy cannot kill you, neither can the external one. What is that weakness of yours? Deal with it before the enemy uses it to destroy your destiny.

A sister got a call from three men of God, encouraging her that her testimony was round the corner and her husband to be would soon show himself to her. Not long after that, an old boyfriend popped up and proposed marriage to her. Ecstatic, she agreed and they made plans to go to her Church together the next day so that they would inform the Pastor after the service.

Well, one thing led to another and she and the man had sex that day. The next day, the man didn’t show up and his phone was off. This sister was frantic with worry. When she eventually was able to speak to the man much later in the day, he apologized and said he had made a mistake in wanting to marry her.

Were the men of God right in telling her that her testimony was round the corner? I believe so. Was she right to be excited? I believe so. Was the ex-boyfriend the testimony she had been expecting? I’m not so sure. Should she have had sex with him even if he were? Not at all. Her flesh manipulated her and she lost out. Last I heard, several years after that, she was still single.

Whatever spiritual manipulation has resulted in one loss or the other in your life, I declare an end to it now, in the mighty name of Jesus.

Spiritual Debts

The third but by no means the least of the spiritual issues that could make a woman unattractive for marriage is that of Spiritual Debts. A spiritual debt could be money owed, a financial pledge unpaid, a vow left unfulfilled, or even bitterness left unresolved, either in one’s heart or that of another. Romans 13:8 says you should owe no man nothing; pay up as and when due. Think back; do you have any pledges left unpaid? A young man told me about how, despite having only a secondary school certificate, he had worked hard to put his fiancée through the university, covering all her expenses, only to have her break up with him callously. Have you done something similar? Matthew 5:23 says you should go and seek forgiveness from anyone who you realise has something or the other against you. Are you still harbouring a grudge because of an ex who broke your heart and dumped you? Are you still bitter against that person who molested you sexually? The only way to move forward in life is to forgive such people and hand the past bitterness over to God (Mark 11:25). For all you know, that just may be the spiritual debt holding back your marriage testimony.

May the Lord grant you the grace to forgive what you ought and restitute any wrong in your past. May the blood of Jesus wash away every spiritual debt in your life today, in the mighty Name of Jesus.


  1. Dedication/Rededication

John 1:5 says light shines in darkness and darkness cannot comprehend or overcome it. You need the light of God – Jesus Christ to shine into any darkness of your life and eradicate it. You can only experience this light of salvation if you;

  • look back on your sins and feel sorry for them
  • ask the Lord to forgive you of them, and
  • ask Jesus Christ to take over your life as your Lord and Saviour.

Once you say this prayer and mean it from the bottom of your heart, the Lord Jesus Christ      will come into your life and the reign of the devil will cease. If you have already given your life to Christ but have backslidden one way or the other, or are not as close to Him as you ought to be, you need to rededicate your life to Him.

Once this is done, the Lord Jesus will come into your life and begin to dwell in you. 1 John 4:4 says greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.

In addition, you need to get rid of anything around you – in your home, school, place of work or business that could lead you back to those sinful habits. Avoid people who could tempt you into the old ungodly lifestyle. Occupy yourself with new habits and activities that will build up your faith.

  1. Deliverance

In Luke 4:18 Jesus says that He has come to preach deliverance to the captives. If you know or suspect that a spiritual husband may be holding sway in your life, don’t cover it up; you need deliverance. Make enquiries about genuine deliverance ministers and book an appointment ASAP.


  1. Holy Spirit Baptism

2 Corinthians 3:17 says … where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Even before your deliverance appointment, begin to pray for to be baptized in the Holy Spirit, the evidence of which is speaking in tongues (Acts 2:4). With the baptism of the Holy Spirit, there will be liberty; no form of bondage would be able to hold you down as long as you remain true to the Lord. 


Praise the Lord. No, I mean, really, really praise the Lord. Psalm 22:3 says God inhabits the praises of His people. I am yet to find anything as potent as the praise and worship of the Most High God; it guarantees His presence in your life and situation. I read the story of a man who slumped and died on his wedding day, just before signing the marriage register in Church. The pastors prayed and prayed, yet the man remained dead and was even getting stiff, until the Senior Pastor decided that they should all begin to praise and worship God, lifting Him above the situation. The groom came back to life and the wedding ceremony was concluded. Nothing will cut short your testimony in the mighty Name of Jesus.


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