The church teaches that, if a man feels led to propose marriage to a sister, especially if they both worship in the same church or parish, he should first approach the sister’s pastor who will pray with him to confirm the authenticity of that leading.

While many of us may scoff at this and declare it to be old-fashioned, this directive fulfills certain purposes. It clearly sifts the wheat from the chaff. Any man who isn’t ready to discuss marriage with your pastor is most likely not interested in marrying you; he may be after a short-term relationship, or even just a good time at your expense. It also helps to prevent ‘trial and error’ relationships in the church whereby a brother could have dated several sisters in the same church, before marriage. Thirdly there have been instances where two or more brothers claimed to be led of God that a particular sister was their wife, yet, she can only marry one man.

Most people do not follow this teaching. The reality in most cases is that sisters start their courtship or relationship outside of the Pastor’s knowledge, then later seek the pastor’s “rubber stamping” when they begin to plan for marriage.

And so, many of our single sisters are in one relationship or the other, some even with unbelievers. But how will you know if that man you’re dating will ultimately marry you? Some sisters have been in relationships for as long as 7, 10 or even 12 years, only for the man to break it up with them. How can you be so sure that that so-called fiancé of yours won’t break up with you eventually?

Sisters, permit me to introduce you to the Ajatuka Prayer. Ajatuka is a Yoruba word that literally means a fight to scatter – in other words, a fight that ensues between people such that they wouldn’t have any further dealings with each other. The Ajatuka prayer asks God to step into your relationship in such a way that, if the man you’re dating is not your God-chosen husband, a fight, quarrel or disagreement should arise between the two of you that would make you go your separate ways.

1 Thessalonians 5:21 urges us to prove all things and hold fast to that which is good. If you’re in a relationship that you’re not entirely sure is going to end in marriage, I advise you to pray this prayer.

Personally, I tried it as a single woman and it worked. I prayed “Lord, if this man is not my husband, as soon as we next set eyes on each other, let us fight never to reconcile.” But instead of us fighting, we kept growing closer and closer, and we’re happily married. I have never regretted marrying him, because he’s my God-chosen spouse. A sister of mine prayed that prayer one morning thus: “Lord, if this man I’m dating is not my husband, before this day ends, let us have gone our separate ways.” She called me later to say that by 7 p.m. on that same day, she and the man had broken up and agreed to go their separate ways.

Sis, this is the year of God’s fullness in your life. Don’t waste your time working at a relationship with a man who eventually won’t marry you. Ask the Lord to effect a final separation between you and any spiritual and marital time waster.

And so shall it be for you in Jesus’ Name.