In the first part of this series, we considered one major reason for a woman being averse to sex – lack of enjoyment, which in turn, was explained as possibly stemming from lack sexual arousal/pleasure, stress, physical issues and physiological changes.

This second part of the series looks at the issue of a lack of trust on the part of the woman being responsible for a woman being averse to sex.

It is common knowledge that women are typically emotional beings, while men are primarily visual. This belief plays out even more clearly when viewed through the lens of sexual desire. Whereas a man could want to have sex just by virtue of an appealing or erotic visual, it’s a little different for the woman – she needs more than visual stimulation for her to get into the mood for sex. For the vast majority of women, they need emotional stimulation before they would be ready to have sex.

If a woman used to enjoy or at least actively participate in sex with her husband, but seems to be losing interest more and more in the act, there are a number of very pertinent issues that could be responsible. The solution to the problem may just be that she is not as emotionally engaged in the act as she ought.

A woman who typically has a great sex life with her husband may find herself becoming sexually averse to him when her trust in him, in the sanctity of their marriage or even in his fidelity to her come into question. For married couples, sex is typically an emotional and spiritual connection – a joining of not just the body, but the heart and soul. When a woman begins to doubt her husband’s love or regard for her, it is an indication of trust eroded. This lack or reduction in trust can easily lead to the wife finding sexual intimacy with this man whose love she has begun to doubt abhorrent.

Beyond the issue of fidelity however, a woman needs to be secure in the knowledge that her husband would always have her back – this is trust. Any occurrence that would cast aspersions on such a belief could easily dampen a woman’s ardour. Simply put, a woman struggling to love her husband may struggle to enjoy having sex with him, and in time, such reticence could lead to sexual aversion.

A third dimension of this lack of trust and its effect on the sex life of married couples can be seen where there is a clash of values – either from the inception of the marriage or sometime subsequent to the wedding. When a woman begins to question her husband’s life choices, doubting his words and despising the man in general, such negative emotions would eventually culminate in the woman becoming averse to sex.

Many times, a lack of trust starts gradually and becomes compounded over time, especially when the man’s behaviour appears to consistently buttress this way of thinking.

You would also need to take cognisance of the fact that a lack of trust can very easily result in issues of insecurity on the part of a woman. If for instance, your wife suspects you of cheating on her, it could very well lead to her not feeling beautiful, or adequate or exciting. Indeed, she could begin to see your desire to have sex as a basic physical urge, in no way spurred by your love for or attraction to her.

If this appears similar to your situation, the best thing is to do everything within your power to allay your wife’s doubts and fears. Seek heart-to-heart conversations where she would feel free to share those doubts and fears so that you can explain or where need be, apologise for them.

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